


Gone

by dont_sit_under_the_apple_tree



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:40:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24554032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dont_sit_under_the_apple_tree/pseuds/dont_sit_under_the_apple_tree
Summary: It never really was about survival, was it?
Relationships: Kaidan Alenko/Male Shepard
Comments: 5
Kudos: 14





	1. This World Uncertain Is

Shepard's cabin was quiet, save for the gentle burbling of the fishtank. Liara sat on the sofa and watched as Kaidan flopped back on the bed. It felt...odd. Normal. Just last week, Liara and Shepard had sat on the sofa and laughed over drinks about...something stupid. Prothean eyesight? She couldn't remember now, which was unfair and felt awful. It was too easy to imagine they'd come up here after a meeting, ready to unwind for the evening. It was too easy to imagine they were waiting for Shepard to come out of the toilet, bright smile on his face and terrible joke leaving his lips.

But he didn't come out.

When the silence in the cabin became deafening, Liara pulled out her datapad, just for something to do, something to distract her. They were supposed to be looking for something, anything Shepard might have left the crew that would indicate he'd at least suspected the outcome of the final battle. So far, there had been nothing. Everything was as it had been - too familiar, too present. 

Shepard had always been an optimist at heart, an idealist in a galaxy determined to break him. At every turn he succeeded and laughed in the face of the galaxy's nihilism. It hadn't been to difficult to assume his invincibility. He always won. He always survived.

Nothing was ever 100%. All it took was once, and suddenly Liara lost her closest friend. Suddenly Kaidan was left to numbly stare at the stars rushing by above him, in a bed that still smelled of Shepard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poem used for chapter titles: Adieu, Farewell Earth's bliss by Thomas Nashe. It's a painful poem, just fyi. Or maybe everything is more painful right now. I don't know.
> 
> Either way, it's a good one. Gonna go read something happy now.


	2. Adieu, Farewell Earth's Bliss

Sitting next to Anderson, staring down at the wartorn Earth, Shepard sighed. He'd enterntained the idea he might come out of this alive, back during his first date with Kaidan at Apollo's. He'd thought he'd found something to live for. He'd been foolish to hope.

He'd ceased to be Mathan the survivor when the Collectors first attacked the Normandy. Regardless of anything that happened after that, any relationships formed or friendships made, he wasn't Mathan anymore. He wasn't really a person. People were saved, were mourned as human. People weren't offered up as sacrifices. He was Shepard now, a symbol.

His survival didn't matter anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short, I know. It needed to be.
> 
> I have Thoughts about how we treat people who serve in any capacity, but this isn't about that. It's about something I learned a long time ago - if you aren't focused on winning or surviving, you can get a lot more done. Maybe I'll write something on the other thing some other time.


End file.
